Something New For Me To Ruin

Dating is weird. What is dating? Did I have a “Date” last night? Or was it just two friends getting dinner? That’s impossible, there’s no way it was just two friends. He paid, and it wasn’t cheap. He picked me up, he came to the door. He said I smelled good. He showed me how to use chopsticks by touching my hands and putting them in the correct position. He offered me his jacket. I was so nervous I thought I was going pass out into a panic nap in the booth. Not even half an hour after he dropped me off at home he texted me and said, “Was a nice night.” Sentence fragment aside, that’s a date, right?

Now I’m dancing around the whole, “When do I ask to see him again?” How does dating work, to begin with? We go out a few times and then in 50’s after school special fashion he asks me to “Go steady.” Then what? We date for a few months and break up cause I’m crazy? If I know anything about myself, I know that before it’s all said and done I will get drunk and tell him something I shouldn’t. I have a stock pile of demons to choose from.

I’m still not convinced that in his mind it was a date. My mom says, he’s older, he’s been through some shit, maybe he doesn’t want to play games. She says she thinks he made it pretty clear that it was a real date and that he enjoyed himself, and that the ball was now in my court. I suck at basketball. What do I do with said ball? Do I dribble it? Lay up? Shoot it center court? What the fuck am I even talking about? 

People are so confusing. I don’t understand them. I keep thinking, he’s just a really nice guy who has been really busy with some personal things and jumped at the chance to hang out with anyone. That’s what I keep saying. I am ever the pessimist.

I hate all of this. This stress is enough to push me to celibacy. But lawdy lawdy he is attractive. He even has the approval of my roommate, Cody. He wears a leather jacket. Can you believe that? I scored a guy who wears a leather jacket. I can’t understand my luck. Dating is the equivalent to cancer. You never think it will happen to you, but then it does and you just want it to go away. I can’t wait to see how this will ruin the next few months of my life.




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