Uncategorized

There’s Always Tomorrow

Real talk for a minute:

I’m not perfect. Most of the time, I’m not even OK. What I do know is, things will get better. Even when everything seems like it’s in shambles, it’s not the end. When I was young I wanted to die, a lot. All the time. After I fought through that, a few years later, my mother and I got onto the topic of suicide in one of our famous late night conversations. And she said to me, “People want to kill themselves because of yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. What they need to truly understand is that, there’s still a tomorrow. There’s always tomorrow.”

This time last year I was about to graduate high school and I felt really alone a lot of the time. I had gotten accepted to Film School and I was so proud and excited, until I realized that every scholarship, grant, and student loan still wouldn’t give me enough money to pay for any of it. I had no plan for the fall, I had no one to cry to, I was alone like I always felt I had been. My friends had all left the year before and I spent my last high school days in the library. I thought it was the end of the world. Then June came around and my friend Cody asked me to come move in with him in Bloomington, and I hesitantly looked into it. I knew I didn’t want to stay at home. So I planned to move in. And then I met **** in July. He was so beautiful to me. He was sweet and funny and smart and strong and honest and I could go on forever. He blew me away. And, I’m pretty sure, he felt the same about me. And then I moved 3 hours away. I was convinced that there was no one else in this world that would ever look at me the way he did. And I spent 9 months dreaming he would come save me from the debt and the failure of community college and the pain of feeling like the friends I had moved in with didn’t even want me there. Just a few days ago I finally truly realized, that isn’t going to happen. And every time I reread that sentence out loud, I tear up again. Although I’m moving on, I’m still sad about all of it. And that’s ok, to be sad. As long as you realize you’re not irreparably broken.

The point is, you may feel the world is over because of yesterday and the day before that and the day before that, but there will always be a tomorrow. You can’t afford Film School, but tomorrow Cody’s going to ask you to move in. And you may be sitting alone with a bottle of jack while everyone around you is falling in love, but tomorrow **** is going to message you on Twitter and say life’s too short and you’re cute. And you and **** may part ways and it will feel like a part of you is irreparably broken, but tomorrow William will ask you to dinner. I promise. I really do. It may take a hundred tomorrows, but as soon as that one tomorrow comes, it’ll feel like only a hundred minutes.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s