I Like You Way Too Much, I’m Afraid I’m Falling For You

        You tell me my hair looks “real cute”, and the innocence in that phrase draws me even closer to you. You’re sweet, and even though you have dirty veins and a dark past, you’re so clean. You’re eyes are bright blue, granted I wasn’t there when they were a faded grey. Would I have been able to handle them when they were? You tell me about your past and the mistakes you’ve made and I always did find honesty endearing. You’re so unapologetically yourself. Or maybe you’re an incredible actor.

        I hate to trust people, it makes me nervous, but I want to trust you. I want to take care of you. I want to make you happy. And that makes me sick. I never was this girl who felt this way. I treated people like agendas and motives. I looked at the world through a microscopic view, where all I saw was what was wrong and who were the villains and who was out to get me. Now I falter at the words of a cute boy. I crumble at your touch.

        I spent my entire life building up walls and trying to be this strong person, this imaginary woman who felt no pain and could not be hurt. That was a mistake, because as soon as anyone comes along and breaks down those walls, there’s no longer an entire person behind them. I put all of myself into those walls, so now I am a raw, exposed nerve. I am easily broken. I shake at your touch, I read sweet words and hear wedding bells. I am the best example of the worst person I could ever be. It’s taken a while to fully come to terms with this.


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