Thank You, Dickhead

far too often writers forget that their story is not the only one. we get self centered, we assume that every person we come in contact with is intended to have some sort of impact on our story. we are constantly searching for the beginning of our next chapter.
but not every beautiful person you meet is the epilogue to your story. not every beautiful person you meet is suppose to die beside you. sometimes people leave. you can’t assume you know the ending of your story before you even get to the middle.
and sometimes the person you love, wasn’t made for your story. he’s intended for her’s. it’s hard to accept this, i know. but he’s suppose to make her happy.
you didn’t do anything wrong. you aren’t the bad guy, he told you that. neither of you are the bad guy.
there will be many men who sweep you off your feet, some of them will break your heart, and you’ll break some hearts along the way, too.
that’s ok.
you’re ok.
lost love is a grieving process. if i read that a year ago, i would have scoffed. how pitiful, there are plenty of fish in the sea, suck it up.
and that’s the moral of our chapter. you taught a blind girl to open her heart. you taught me that it’s ok to love someone. it’s ok to get hurt by someone, and that the pain isn’t a weakness. the pain of a broken heart is not something to be saddened by. it’s proof that i’m alive and that someone cared for me and i cared for someone. the pain shouldn’t keep me from loving again.
you chose her, and i’m happy for you.
i am a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and this just means there is something much better around the corner. i don’t know the ending anymore, and that’s exciting.
does that mean i’m not going to cry anymore? no fucking way. i’ll probably cry whenever I hear any song. there are several that will be blacklisted for months. i’ll cry a lot. and maybe be angry too, maybe i’ll hit something. maybe i’ll picture you face when I do. i’m only human, only now i’m letting myself experience all of the things that come with being human. love, loss, heartbreak, all of it.
Thank you for that.


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