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I Thought There’d Be So Much More

Even after a week of soul searching and trying to be a strong woman who don’t need no man, I’ve still found myself cowering like a child and asking, “Why doesn’t he want me?”

When exactly was the moment he fell out of love? Was there even a moment at all?

This past year I’ve been looking at every little thing as some sort of cosmic answer or clue to what I’m suppose to be doing with my life. Every fortune cookie, text, person I meet, song that plays at the perfect moment, every moment has been over analysed by me looking for answers. 

I’ve come to a legitimate conclusion: there are no definitive answers. Sometimes there are questions upon questions that pile up in the corner and you just have to overlook them. Take them out with the trash, because the answer will never come. Like a single sock that’s forever lost it’s pair in the wash. Human beings are so complex there’s no telling why they do what they do, there’s no rhyme or reason. We make brash decisions, we don’t think before we act, we are selfish, we lack compassion or empathy once we’re clouded by our own lust or envy or any of the seven deadly sins.

Just because my last fortune cookie said to accept the next proposition I received doesn’t mean I should. Just because I meet someone who smiles at me from across the room, doesn’t mean they’re my soul mate. Not every person is THE person. Not every fortune is THE fortune. Not every moment is THE moment. 

If you spend all your time analysing every aspect of every day for some cosmic answer or moment of clarity, it will only drive you crazy. That’s all it’s done for me. 

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